I’m a 38 year old married men and I think I have C-PTSD. I was emotionally abused, neglected and abandoned by my parents/sister. I have no memory before my 8th birthday (that was when my grandparents took me to them). Even now my parents pretend to be perfect but don’t want to have me or ask how my day was. First thing when my mother got the house from my grandparents, she removed all of my old furniture and renovated my room into an office with cold ceramic tiles on the floor. That was the only room she did that.
I have a view problems (?) which I can not talk to my therapist (e.g. Sometimes when I’m alone I wear knit tights and an oversized Hoodie. Once a while I need a pink, sparkling girly horse magazine. Outside I never dress in a way that someone can tell its girls clothes. I don’t know why girl clothes and stuff feel more cozy(safe) for me than men’s clothes (I’m a man).)
Most of the time I’m ok but then are the days when I so want to be a child again and have a family. Just a normal ok family. In my head I often imagine me being adopted by foster parents. Problem: When I daydream, I’m always a girl and always more abused than I really was.